Recently while talking to a friend on the phone he told me he couldn’t chat for long as he was with a woman who was helping him with certain sexual favours. On further interrogation I found out that the woman was 17 years older than my friend, married with a six-year-old son. The friend told me that the woman’s husband was out of the country on business and it was common for him to get such a call from the woman in her late thirties whenever the husband was away for a day or two.
At a later stage I had another conversation with another friend who told me of a divorced woman he was having sex with. It turned out the woman was also seventeen years older than the other friend as well and she too had a child of school going age. Initially I was puzzled by these revelations from both friends until I later had a conversation about the cougar phenomenon with a group of older women - married and unmarried.
One of the women I had a conversation with told me that she would never refuse a man who is ten years younger if he made the first move and she found him attractive. Her belief is that people don’t have the same set of morals and just because she is willing to have sex with someone much younger doesn’t mean she has broken her moral code and people should accept that everyone has choices in life. She says it’s also not up to her to teach someone else’s son values they should have learnt at home and if a younger man approaches then it clearly means he finds her attractive too.
An older married man told me he is aware that there is a possibility his successful corporate wife of about ten years sometimes finds some excitement in the arms of a man in his 20s but says he also understands that he could be the cause of the problem as at 42 he often cheats on her with women between the ages of 20 and 30 years old. “Why would I leave umagogo at home and find only to cheat with one outside the home,” he told me.
He says he started cheating on his wife because he needed some excitement and younger women are easy to please as all they need is a bit of cash or just a bit of a good time which men their age cannot afford to provide. “Young men budget and by mid-month they are already running out of cash. All I have to do is buy the girl some pizza or a couple of drinks and I know I’ll have a good time after that. I always go back home though,” he further elaborates.
A friend of mine who is dating a woman who is over ten years older than him once told me that he finds women our age a bit superficial, demanding and sometimes lack substance. He said he finds a certain level of substance in older women and they give him the comfort he needs and often cater to his emotional needs.
One of the older women I spoke to said some younger men treat them better than men their age as they are more eager to please. “Sometimes they want to find out whether you have eater, whether they can make you breakfast in bed and what even pleases you sexually. Men our age think sex is just about them and not about us. While experience is good, sometimes the one who asks what your needs are is better as they learn and you get the pleasure.”
While Health Minister, Dr Aaron Motoaledi, has raised concern with inter-generational sex between older men and younger women in the past, it seems as if there is a new form of this phenomenon between older, successful women who only need sex and emotional attachment and younger men who want to live of the wilder side of life. The cougar trend seems to be growing.